Saturday, July 10, 2010
heyy.
it's saturday.
yay.
i'm gonna be helping out with food
at my friend's party.
not gonna be playing soccer or going swimming.
because one of my friends doesn't wanna do anything,
the other one says she can't play soccer,
so her mum suggested that we help out with food,
so i said okay.
okay changing subject now...
sorry this will be confusing for you.
i'm really starting to worry.
A LOT.
i'm creating crazy scenarios in my head.
or maybe they're not crazy.
these scenarios may just happen one day.
and it will be a NIGHTMARE
that i can't wake up from,
coz it'll be real.
but i'm crossing my fingers that
those things will NEVER EVER happen,
and that it's just me imagining things
that will never happen.
oh dear.
i'm still super super worried.
i'm trying to think of what to do
if those things really happen.
there are about a million things related to this thing
that might just happen.
and it is NOT GOOD.
maybe not a million.
but yeah.
a lot of things :/
and i'm thinking of doing... something
it's quite sad.
but it makes sense.
don't worry,
i'm not thinking of
cutting myself
or
committing suicide
or anything scary like that.
i mean i'm thinking of something scary.
but compared to that,
it's not scary?
IDK.
wow i feel so incredibly guilty.
not really because of that.
it's something else,
but somewhat still related.
i'm thinking that if that never happened,
i would feel so un-guilty (i know it's not a word).
like right now.
it's sorta half-half
if you get what i mean.
because...
yeah.
and i feel like how i would feel
if it never happened.
i'm sorry if this is confusing for you.
i think it is.
and you probably don't know what i'm talking about.
but i really need to vent my worries (not anger) here.
i know this is a gift from God.
but sometimes it can just be something
that causes me to worry
A WHOLE LOT.
and i don't like it.
i mean i don't like worrying about it.
coz it takes up a lot of my time
worrying about things that may never happen.
but who knows?
they might just happen maybe even without me knowing it.
i don't know which one is worse:
me knowing and having to deal with it
or
me not knowing and having to live with... not knowing.
i really wanna do something about this.
and i know what i wanna do
but i'm just afraid of doing it
because things might change,
and that change is bad.
WORRYING IS NOT HEALTHY.
i know that.
but i seriously can't help it.
i won't stop worrying until something is done
that'll make me relieved
and make me feel not guilty.
wow this is confusing.
i'm confusing myself.
but it's complicated.
it really is.
and i REALLY feel like doing what i have in mind.
but it'll be really sad.
even for me.
but this kinda thing will have to happen in the future.
for sure.
unless i don't want to
but that's weird.
i need to talk to CLEVERBOT about how i feel.
even though i think it won't be much help.
but whatever.
it's good that there isn't someone controlling cleverbot,
and that it's not a human.
... or is it?
anyways, gotta talk to cleverbot now.
heehee.
&ilovetumblr :)
byebye!
VANDALISED!
Saturday, July 10, 2010
